Chapter 20

 

   'Quit your whining,' retorted Jock, taking his eyes from the dark road to glare at his brother. 'Anyone would think we were criminals the way you're going on about things.'
   Jimmy switched on the car radio and Jock immediately switched it off again.
   'Why did you do that?' asked Jimmy sullenly.
   'Because I'm in no mood for ceilidhs.'
   'And I'm in no mood for skulking around the moors burying corpses.'
   'We didn't kill Roddy.'
   'What has that got to do with anything?'
   'This mess is hardly our fault.'
   'Do you think the police will think that if they catch us?'
   'Let's just get this done and worry about it later.'
   'I suppose you're right,' said Jimmy a little sadly, staring out into the darkness.
   'Once Roddy is back where we found him,' said Jock gently, 'everything will be back to normal, trust me.'
   'Will you be seeing Mary again?'
   Jock slowed down, and looked across at his brother.
   'You seem unusually interested in my personal affairs these days.'
   'I was only asking.'
   'She has a gorgeous body, don't you think?'
   'Is that all you can say about her?'
   'What on earth has got into you?'
   'What are we going to do about the other coffin?'
   'Huh?'
   'What if it turns up again?'
   'We're here,' said Jock, slowing down as they approached their parking spot.
   'You didn't answer my question.'
   'If it turns up somewhere, we won't have put it there and therefore it won't be our problem, will it?'
   'They will trace it back to the mortuary.'
   'Roddy has been murdered and is in one of our coffins, a stolen coffin that would be recognised. I think that's a far more pressing problem right now.'
   'Hmmm,' mused Jimmy, 'perhaps we should report the break-in and the theft after all.'
   Jock lapsed into a sullen silence as the car pulled off the road.

   It wasn't long before the two brothers were sitting on the lid of Roddy Morrison's coffin out in the dark moors having their first rest. Jimmy gratefully took the silver flask his brother proffered and took a mouthful of whisky.
   'Well, this is all very macabre,' mused Jock.
   'What if the murderers are waiting for us at the grave?'
   'Do you think that's possible?'
   'We should have brought weapons.'
   'We have the spade.'
   'Are you serious?'
   'It's too late to worry about it now.'
   'If we were attacked,' said Jimmy, 'could you smash someone's head in with the spade? Do you have it in you?'
   'Will you just listen to us,' replied Jock, 'we are beginning to sound like a couple of murderers ourselves. What is happening to us?'
   They were both silent for a few moments, then Jock changed the subject.
   'Mary said the strangest thing earlier.'
   'She did?'
   'Yes, and I can't make any sense of it.'
   'Intriguing.'
   'Isn't it.'
   'Well?'
   'Well what? I was just making conversation. All that talk of smashing in skulls with the spade was making me feel somewhat ghoulish.'
   'What did she say?'
   'Who?'
   'Mary!'
   'Nothing important.'
   'If it wasn't important, you wouldn't have brought it up.'
   'Jimmy, it was weird!'
   'What was?'
   'She said I had the most warm tongue she'd ever tasted.'
   'What's so strange about that?'
   'I've not kissed her yet.'
   Jimmy looked out into the darkness of the moors and pretended to have not heard him.
   Jock threw his brother a funny look, then got to his feet.
   'Come on Jimmy, this isn't getting us any closer to the grave.'
   'It's a good job we don't have to carry him all the way back to the road again.'
   And with that, they hoisted the coffin from the heather and set off once more.

   When they reached the trees surrounding the gravesite, they lowered the coffin onto the heather and plumped down on the lid.
   'Who'd have thought the old bastard was this heavy!' whispered Jimmy, nursing his fingers under his armpits.
   'My fingers feel like they are broken,' said Jock in some distress.
   'Do you think we should check the grave first before going any closer?'
   'Check it for what? To make sure it's still there?'
   'No need to get sarky. In case the murderers are about.'
   Jock thought about it, then on their hands and knees the two of them crawled through the heather towards the grave. From the safety of a clump of bracken, they watched for signs of movement. When they were satisfied no one was there, they returned for the coffin and staggered the last few yards into the clearing where they gratefully laid the thing down beside the hole.
   'I'm not sure how we managed that,' said Jock, nursing his fingers.
   Jimmy stood staring down into the blackness of the hole.
   'Who's going to do the digging this time?' he asked.
   'It's your turn?'
   'I don't want to go down there.'
   Jock muttered something unintelligible, grabbed the spade, jumped down into the grave and started digging. A moment later his spade crunched down onto solid wood.
   'What the—?'
   'What the bloody hell was that?' hissed Jimmy.
   'Stop your swearing will you!' said Jock. 'Hand me down the torch.'
   'Make sure you don't shine it all over the island.'
   Jock scraped the peat under his feet with the spade, then got down on his hands and knees to investigate.
   'You're not going to believe this Jimmy!'
   'What is it?'
   Jock suddenly clambered out of the grave with terror in his eyes. He grabbed his brother's shoulders with both hands.
   'It's the coffin!'
   'What coffin?'
   'What coffin do you think?'
   'You're joking, right?'
   'It's down there!' hissed Jock in great distress. 'Someone has put it back!'
   'What are we going to do?' asked Jimmy, staring down into the grave.
   'I don't know.'
   'Trust me, you said, everything will be back to normal, you said.'
   'Where's that whisky?' asked Jock, 'I need a drink.'
   'What are we going to do?'
   Jock took a couple of large mouthfuls of whisky and handed the flask to his brother.
   'Are you quite sure it's a coffin?' asked Jimmy.
   Jock jumped down into the grave and crunched the spade down on the lid a few times.
   'It's definitely a coffin,' he said, 'and it is definitely one of ours.'
   Jimmy lowered himself over the edge and dropped down into the grave to check for himself.
   'This is all a bad dream.'
   Jock clambered out of the hole, reached his hand down to help his brother out and then the two of them sat side by side on the lid of Morrison's coffin to ponder their predicament.
   'I just don't get it,' said Jock miserably.
   'Do you think Mary will visit us in jail?'
   'Why would the murderers come back and rebury the first coffin?'
   'I've got bad indigestion.'
   'I told you not to eat all thon black pudding.'
   'It's going to be light in a couple of hours.'
   'Let's dig up the coffin and get it out of there and put Roddy back,' said Jock emphatically.
   'How is that going to help us?'
   'No one knows about our man, but the whole island is looking for Roddy. Which body would you rather be caught with?'
   'I can't carry another coffin back to the car.'
   'I couldn't either.'
   'Then we have no choice. Let's bury Roddy on top of the other coffin, and when we get home we will phone the police and report the break-in. That will put us in the clear.'
   'Well, I guess as Roddy is dead, he won't mind. Okay, let's bury him on top of the other coffin, get home, and call the police. We need to move quickly to extricate ourselves from this whole mess, otherwise we might wind up in the jail.'
   'We need to tell them about the stolen coffin.'
   'Agreed.'
   Having found renewed resolve, Jimmy grabbed the spade and let himself back down into the hole, where he started digging up chunks of peat and laying them on the tarpaulin for Jock to drag up. When he'd cleared all the peat from the lid of the buried coffin, he clambered out and the two of them laboriously manhandled the second coffin over to the edge of the grave. When the ropes were secure, they quickly lowered it down into the grave. Jock then slopped all the wet peat back into the hole and Jimmy stomped it down, making it look as natural as possible. When they were happy, they gathered their things and prepared for the walk back to the car.
   'What's that?' asked Jimmy in alarm.
   'It sounds like a tractor,' said Jock, cocking his head to one side.
   'It's coming this way!'
   'My goodness!' exclaimed Jock, pointing to the silhouette of a tractor appearing over a ridge. 'It's John Brown!'
   'Yes, and that looks like Dugal in the trailer. I'd recognise thon clumps of hair anywhere.'
   'Where on earth are they going at this time of night?'
   'Quick! Let's get out of here!'
   With a few hissed curses, they grabbed their gear and trotted off into the darkness.

Back to Top